Category Archives: blog post

BabyNoBaby, meet Scary Mommy

cupholderI speak here to BabyNoBaby. BabyNoBaby is a brave and funny woman who blogs about the buffeting winds of choice and possibility. To assume the cloak of motherhood, or not? So many arguments for, so many reasons against. Today it is yes, tomorrow it is no. As the clock goes tick tick tick. Continue reading

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The Life You Can’t Imagine

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA“I just can’t imagine my life without my child.” I hear parents say this, and it seems to imply, that their life without children would be unimaginable—as in, degraded, or meaningless. As in, life without children is not worth living.

This is what a childless woman sometimes hears, but the fact is that, to a mother, life as a non-mom may be exactly that: impossible to imagine. Asking a parent to imagine life without their child can be like asking a fish to imagine life as a bird. Continue reading

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Dodged a bullet

HiRes1Probably #1 on the list of Things Parents Should Not Say to Aging Non-Moms—not even with the utmost irony, as your adored progeny scream like torture victims for ice cream or beg for car privileges or phone from Juvenile Remand—is this: dodged a bullet.

Just a year ago, a friend with teen kids asked me why I hadn’t done the baby thing. I replied with as much Zen stoicism as I could assume, that it just never happened. I took a different path. He turned to his partner with a mischievious wink. Dodged a bullet, he said. Continue reading

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Sex makes babies

Happy Healthy Vegan’s candid discussion of why she doesn’t have kids. Go ahead, try to guess Anji’s age (she does not dye her hair) … 😉

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Gathering worms

babybirdsA pair of wrens is nesting in the porch beams. Mama wren arrives with a live worm in her beak and the nest erupts in frantic chirping and squeaking as four tiny heads on long thin necks shoot out, blind eyes open, beaks stretched wide to receive. Quickly she pops bits of worm into the open mouths and flits away for more, just as dad arrives with another juicy morsel. He feeds, they switch off, and so it goes, from dawn to sunset.

Soon the nest will be stuffed with bodies and the chicks will take wing. The porch will go quiet for a while. In spring the wrens will be back, to lay a new clutch of eggs and do it again. Not a bad life, for a bird.

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Confronting pity

heart and headI received this email from a woman yesterday:

I’m 50 and child-free (rather than child-less). It wasn’t a decision that I made, it’s just what ended up happening. But I’m happy that I don’t have kids.

I’ve recently started volunteering in palliative care, talking with folks that are near the end of their life. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had people say “so, how many children do YOU have?” & when I reply “none” they literally get teary-eyed and say how sorry they feel for me.

Because I’m dealing with folks that are dying, I haven’t spoken up, and need help with a recommendation (or two) on what I can possibly say that is respectful to them, but makes me come out of the conversation feeling ok (& not sad & depressed).

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